My Hands Became My Eyes...

They say that when you lose one of your senses your other senses compensate for the loss and for me it was my hands that became my eyes.

When I lost my sight my youngest child was two and my eldest eight. My husband went to work and I got on with life at home. I got the kids up and dressed for school, I made them breakfast; I did the washing and cleaning and played with the little one. And the only way I could do all this was by learning to use my hands instead of my eyes. I didn't have any of the gadgets that are available to help blind people. I learnt that when you dropped something just sweeping around randomly with your hand didn't work but if you put your hands together and then move them out and round in a circle and repeat this widening the sweep you are more likely to find whatever it was you dropped.

You have to look at clothes with your hands and learn to identify the different sizes by touch.

When I cooked I would have to touch the food to see if it was cooked.

I find that if I am going to pick something up it's best to approach it from the side this way you won't knock things over.

When I go shopping I won't buy clothes or toys or shoes ect. without looking at them myself, I don’t have anybody choosing my clothes for me and if I don't like it then I don't buy it.

I would do the ironing and people would say how can you do that when you can’t see. Again it was my hands that made it possible. I always made sure that I put the iron down facing away from me and would slide my hand along the edge until I touched the wire this way I could pick the iron up again without getting burnt. I would always have my left hand on the garment and ironed with my right it was just instinct that enabled me to keep my left hand away from the iron but still use it to hold the garment and know when it was done properly. I confess that I can't iron a shirt to save my life it would end up with more tram lines than there are in Manchester Piccadilly. But I don't lose sleep over what I can't do, that's just life.

I peel veg with a potato peeler and I'm sure that sometimes I miss a bit but it's never done us any harm so again I don't let it bother me.

I wash up and know that I and other blindys quite often do this better than those with sight. I am sure this is because we feel the plates and things as we're washing them where as people with sight wear gloves or just think it looks clean when it isn't.

When it comes to housework, I don't get offended when my family tell me that I'm missed stains or bits when I've hoovered or mopped the floors or that I haven't done the windows properly. I just go back and do the bits I've missed or even let them do it for me.

I remember being asked to talk to a woman who was losing her sight shortly after I'd lost mine. She was finding it really hard to cope. She would get upset when she couldn't tell the difference between a can of beans and a can of peas. I was lucky in that I wouldn't ever have let a thing like that bother me.

One thing I did find hard to do was go out on my own using a long cane. I had used a symbol cane in strange areas and after dusk but this was completely different. I had a few mobility lessons in, of all places, the corridor of a secondary school. Of course this didn't help much but it was all that was offered.

I remember the first time I went to pick the kids up from school I crossed the road and my nose hit a (stationary) lorry. My cane went under it and my false eye bounced out into the road. Fortunately I somehow managed to find it and continued on my way. I was doing fine until I got on to the first main road when I crossed a side road that shouldn't have been there. I was so confused but knew I wasn't going the wrong way. It was only when my kids told me that during the five months I'd been out of action they had built a new estate and that was the entrance into that estate.

I absolutely hate using a cane and will avoid doing so unless absolutely necessary and I admire any blind person who does use one.

To me it is really important that I do as much as I can for myself for as long as I can. I'm not afraid to ask for help and I don’t mind help being offered but for as long as I have the use of my hands I will be as independent as it is possible to be.

B x

We Were The Lucky Ones...

I can still remember standing at the teacher’s desk and learning to read braille from these really shiny plastic cards. I’ll apologise to any braille readers if you find this bit boring but I just wanted to give a brief explanation about how braille works. The whole braille system is made up of six dots. One, two and three down the left side and four, five and six down the right side and it's the shape of the dots that make up each letter. For example, dot one is a, dots one and four is c, dots two, four and five is j and so on. We have a lot of contractions and abbreviations in braille because it takes up so much room. My son was surprised when I told him Mockingjay is in seven volumes because in print it is only one small book of around 300 pages, so that will give you some idea of how much more space is needed for braille.

Two of my elder brothers were already at the boarding school when I started but as typical boys they didn't give me any attention. It was very hard as a four year old to be left with complete strangers and in those days the terms were as long as 14 weeks. Some of the kids went home at weekends or fortnightly but we only went home at the end of term. I remember crying at bedtime and being told not to be a baby but it was the first time I'd slept in a bed on my own and didn't understand why I was there.

I was in a dormitory of 8 and when they turned the lights out at 6.30pm I was terrified. But for the next nine years I received an excellent education and was a book worm from the age of five. My sighted siblings who were educated in mainstream school were poorly educated in comparison and missed out on some of the wonderful opportunities I and my brothers experienced.

I loved English, Maths and PE. We had wall bars, scramble nets, monkey bars and the ropes that hang from the ceiling both knotted and straight and all the kids used the equipment regardless of whether they had sight or not. We used to play pirates where we had to get around the gym without touching the floor, it was great fun.

The school was well equipped and we played with Lego, board games with braille markings, we had braille playing cards and did jigsaws; all the things kids should do. We played football and cricket and learned to swim. We had a bike track, swings, roundabouts, swings and a slide. I believe that it was because we just did all these things that I found it physically easy to adapt when I lost my sight completely. It's just a shame that some of the kids myself included were at times treated very badly because we came from poor backgrounds but I’ll save that for another day.

B x

The Joys Of...

I sometimes wonder if people think being blind is all doom & gloom but it’s not at all. Don’t get me wrong, my blindness at times can be very frustrating but can also bring a lot of laughs. Let me share some funny stories from over the years…

Being a member of a very large family where seven of you are registered blind wasn't easy but when one of us did a “dumb blindy” thing it caused a lot of laughter. I remember one of my brothers was on his way home from a pub with a blind friend of his. It was December and had been snowing and was freezing cold. My brother had this mad idea that if they cut across this field that he knew was there, it would save time on their journey home. What he didn’t know was that the canal ran through the field and walked straight into the freezing water! And his mate followed him in!! Luckily they managed to get out but both lost their white sticks in the process!

I was once eating a nougat bar I’d pinched off my Grandson, I needed to close the kitchen window, so put the nougat down on the unit. After closing the window I picked it back up and took a bite! Whoops! It was a washing tablet I'd picked up and bitten by mistake! Ewww! When I told my daughter we cried laughing! We still have fits of giggles talking about it now, many years later.

When I was a child, we used to live in two houses that had connecting doors; because I have 12 siblings so one house wasn’t big enough. I remember one evening we decided to move the furniture around, you know for the sake of it. Later one of my brothers went to the pub and when he came home with his supper of chips, peas and gravy he forgot we had moved things around and sat on the settee that wasn't there! His food was in a carton and went splat in his face! Oh that was funny!

The same brother went to the pub with odd shoes on one night. They were the same style but different colours and all his mates thought it really funny. What was even funnier though, was my fully sighted sister at the hospital visiting my Mum and she suddenly burst out laughing. When we asked what she was laughing at she said she had suddenly realised that she had odd boots on! When I looked at them they were as odd as you could get! One had a pointed toe and a stiletto heel whilst the other had a square heel with a square toe! In fact the only thing they had in common was that they were black so you see it's not just us blindys that do dumb things.

I will just explain here that when I say look at things I mean with my hands. I watch TV and listen to the radio. I use the words see and saw because I just see things in a different way to people with sight.

When I'm with my friends and family we laugh a lot and often at each other's expense but as I always say a good laugh is a better tonic than anything the doctor can give us, so I hope some of these stories have at least put a smile on your face. I have a lot more funny stories to tell but I’ll save them for another day.

B x

Adapting

I didn't find it particularly hard to adapt from being partially sighted to being totally blind. Of course I was completely devastated about the sight loss but I knew how to use my other senses so looking after myself, four young children and the home came naturally to me. I believe this was due to the fact that I had spent my life around totally blind kids from a very young age.

I remember in the infant’s class we had all these plastic objects around the walls and part of our lessons was to walk round and feel them. This was so the children who had very poor sight or no sight could learn to identify everyday objects such as, bananas, umbrellas, boats, cups, cars and all kinds of things. Although I could see these objects I had to use my hands. The kids who were totally blind soon had to learn to walk around the school without help and they did! One of my brothers only has only ever been able to see light and dark so being blind was just a normal thing for me.

Some of my pet peeves...

I know there are things that blind people can't do. But there are a lot of blind people around who don't even try. It really is frustrating to me when I am with blind adults who spill food down their tops every time we go out (saying that I think plenty of sighted people do that too!). And how when their only disability is being blind, why do they need their food cutting up? I know we are all different and have different levels of abilities but eating and showering, these are things we do from a very early age so to me it is inexcusable when I hear blind people saying they can't do these everyday things without assistance.

While I'm on my high horse… In December I had to go and see a specialist as I have lost part of my hearing in my left ear. The doctor talked to my niece about me or at least he tried to, as opposed to talking to me directly. He couldn't accept that I could put eardrops in my own ear. I find doctors and nurses are some of the worst when it comes to communicating or guided blind people. I know that I'm not on my own in saying this.

Sometimes when I or one of my friends go shopping and we give the cashier the money they will give the person with you the change. It's no wonder we have the comics making humorous sketches about blindys because there is a lot to laugh about. I'm not the sort of person to get loud or obnoxious about sighted people treating us like our brains don't work instead of just our eyes but I don't accept the “does HE take sugar” attitude and will speak and act for myself.

I will now climb down from my high horse all by myself! :)

I had a lovely walk today with Bee. I haven't had a guide dog for a few years and it is such a wonderful feeling putting my trust in one again. Two of my four children have Wagner's syndrome and unfortunately my youngest son's sight is deteriorating. He is getting his first guide dog this week and purely by chance the dog he is getting is Bee's sister. We live hundreds of miles apart and the trainers don't know each other, it is spooky how it happened and my son's dog is called Bumble! So we will have Bumble and Bee! How cute!

B x
    

An introduction...

Hi, I'm Biddy, I am in my 50's and have just recently trained with my guide dog Bee. I was on a class of four and was the only totally blind person on the course.

 

I was so surprised by the “I can't do it because I'm blind” attitude of the others on the course, that I decided to write this blog, hoping that I can give a realistic view on what's it's like being blind and hopefully giving sighted people a better understanding of blindness.

What got me thinking about blindness and the perception the sighted world have about blind and visually impaired people was the way my colleagues allowed the staff in the hotel to do the simplest of things for them. For example, taking the top off the yogurt or opening the little pack of butter. To me doing these simple tasks should come as naturally as putting one foot in front of the other. I was also amazed at the level of anxiety it caused the others in the group when we were told that we may have to occasionally unlock an outside door using a key. They didn’t know how to find the keyhole! I'm not putting my friends down just making comments so you can understand why I felt the need to write this blog.

I have been at home for two weeks with Bee and we are doing well. One of the hardest things for a blind person is to be left at home with a new guide dog and to go out on your own without the security of the trainer on your right shoulder. It takes up to a year for you and the dog to really understand each other so we have a lot of hard work ahead of us and a lot of fun too. I will tell you about Bee and how we are doing in the days to come.

I was registered blind from the age of two. My late mother, five brothers and a sister are also blind
or visually impaired. Can I just point out, that I am not visually impaired, I am blind. Apparently only 4% of people registered blind are actually blind.

We were misdiagnosed of having Retinitis Pigmentosa and it wasn't until the 80's that we were re-diagnosed with Wagner's Syndrome. This is a rare eye condition and each person is affected to varying degrees of sight loss. Not a lot was known back in the 80's and I lost my sight completely following a retinal repair operation.

I don't have any childhood memories before the age of four. It was my first day at (mainstream) school; all I remember about that day is that I cried for my older sister and the strange smell of the toilets! I only went to mainstream school for that one day. My next memory is again when I was four but this time I had been left at a boarding school for the blind. I had what we in the blind world call “useful vision” then and I held on to that useful vision until 1988. I was tiny for my age and everything and everybody at the school seemed so big and scary. I remember going into the dining room and being terrified of all the tables and all the kids sat at them. (And where was my Mum?)

It was a very scary time for me at first but I will always be grateful that I attended that school and was educated as a blind child. I was still only four when I could read the braille alphabet and five when I read my first library book in grade 2 braille.  I love braille and have always been a book worm.

We weren't encouraged to use our sight back then and I remember being punished by the headmaster when he caught me reading my hymn book with my eyes.     

Life wasn't always easy at school and the staff could be cruel and brutal at times but I grew to love being there and I often laugh with my friends from school (who I’m still in touch with) about how we were treated and why we were singled out and often punished more than some of the other kids.

Maybe I will talk more about that and also about the squalor and poverty I lived in at home. 

To be continued….

B x